Why I got married when I knew I shouldn’t (and why it matters to you)
Have you ever looked back and thought what the f**ck was I thinking?? (That of course says frick.)
We have these moments of hindsight, where we just. don’t. get it. And we search for an excuse to justify our hideous behaviour.
Especially when the thing in question is a marriage. An eternal promise no less.
The marriage lasted about two years. He was drop dead gorgeous. He was sensitive and caring. He was a wicked lover. In fact, HE TICKED EVERY BOX on my list of expectations.
We were living together in a quaint house overlooking the beach. During the hot, sunny days of that summer, we planned an intimate wedding for September. It would be on our deck, the ocean shimmering in the background. Colourful flowers bursting from the planter boxes. Just our family and closest friends. Me, sun bronzed in satin and gold. The prince and princess would live happily ever after.
Then one day in the shower (where epiphanies always happen)…
I realized that my instinct was wagging it’s finger at me and saying nooooo… don’t do it. Dammit. Dammit.
Well of course I didn’t listen. How could I? The invitations were out. The dress was bought. Everybody knew. To complicate matters even more… ten years prior, I had ended two short-lived relationships we'd had. Both times, he took me back. This was our third round! We were older now and supposed to have it all together. No way. No way could I hurt him a third time. (Can you see my dilemma?) He was wonderful. He did NOT deserve this.
So. Decision made. I was going to make it work.
You can see where this is going.
True, we had a fairytale wedding (pictured above, just after we said those forever in stone vows). But it was only hours later that things started to feel - off. I tried. He tried. But within two years, we went our own ways. He probably doesn’t hate me anymore because I think he’s happily married with a young child (the wisdom of a little Facebook stalking). But that was a nasty thing to do - despite my good intentions.
So why am I telling you this, one warrior business woman to another?
Because even when *the thing* ticks all your boxes, if your gut feeling says no, then LISTEN. Because there's no more powerful compass than your own personal instinct. NONE. The single greatest thing you can do in life and in business is honour your gut feelings.
Because they’re coming from deep inside you, nothing could be closer to the truth. And this is your life. Period.
But what about the commitments you’ve made (AKA promise to fiancé)? What about the investment (AKA rings, dress, shoes, friends airlines tickets)? What about the heart and soul that’s gone into it (AKA intimate conversations, promises made)?
Yeah that kinda bites. But it pales in comparison to living a lie. Lies hurt. Lies steal. And in the end, the truth will hunt you down and bite you in the butt.
So the next time your gut feeling speaks to you (even if you don’t understand it), listen hard. Because it’s the only flawless tool you have.
A little PS: Our marriage wasn’t bad. It was civil and we made some nice memories. We both learned from it. So don’t ever beat yourself up for the mistakes you’ve made. Sometimes we do the wrong thing for the right reasons.